Pregnancy

At the time, I enjoyed taking long walks every day for both leisure and to keep myself active. At some point, I remember my breasts, especially my nipples, becoming sensitive. At first, I thought it was because of the fabric of my clothing or some kind of friction. For a while, it made sense to me that these were reasonable assumptions as to why my breasts were experiencing increased sensitivity. Over time, I began to feel increasingly tired throughout the day. While I have always believed in the benefits of taking short naps, it started going beyond them being for a short rest. I often slept for hours, even if I had slept well during the night. Concerned, I went online to try and understand these symptoms. It didn’t take long for me to find multiple sources suggesting the possibility of being pregnant.

Even if my symptoms matched those described for pregnancy, I couldn’t quite believe it. I had recently broken up with my ex, and hadn’t had sex very often during the final months of our relationship. At the same time, I realized that pregnancy is a possibility after just one time of having sex. The rare times we did have sex, we used both a condom and a morning-after pill, mostly out of fear that the condom might break. Therefore, in my mind, the chances of pregnancy seemed extremely low. Nevertheless, I decided to take pregnancy tests to be sure.

I bought four tests, just because I wanted to be sure. The first test was positive. While I had heard that tests could sometimes wrongly come out positive due to expiration, I couldn’t bring myself to believe or accept the positive result. I took the remaining three tests, and they were also all positive. There was no denying it any longer—I was pregnant. I remember feeling shocked, but I wasn’t scared or upset. Instead, I was amazed by the fact that my body possessed the ability to create new life. While I understood that pregnancy was a common occurrence, experiencing it first-hand was an entirely different feeling. I considered it to be an extraordinary and precious event.

When I found out that I was pregnant, I believed it was important to tell my ex. We discussed our options at length, including the possibility of getting back together, remaining friends and co-parenting, or going for an abortion. Even if we were on reasonably good terms, I did not want to get back together with him. He had broken my heart multiple times by cheating on me. As well as this, since I had been diagnosed with Borderline earlier that year, I wasn’t mentally prepared to care for a child. I also lacked financial stability, I was living with my parents and I was unemployed. In the end, my ex and I agreed that abortion was the best decision. This I will talk about in a separate article.

After this, I shared the news with my parents and explained my decision. Although my father typically does not support abortion, he understood that it was the best choice for me and the baby. My parents provided a great deal of support during this time. I have to say that the period following my decision was incredibly special. The thought of being capable of creating new life and having a tiny person growing inside me filled me with joy. It made me feel less alone, and I cherished the uniqueness of the experience.

In my moments of being alone, I have heartfelt conversations with my belly, explaining why I had made the decision for an abortion. I wanted my unborn child to understand that I was doing it because I believed it was the best outcome for both of us. I felt that by continually explaining why I had chosen to have an abortion, I would not only alleviate my own guilt but also hope for my baby’s forgiveness.

I understand that there are many reasons why people are against abortion, and I can empathize with their perspectives. It might seem strange, but even during my decision to have an abortion, I truly cherished the time I spent being pregnant. Despite feeling tired and nauseous, I recognized that these were the physical consequences of creating a new life. However, I also knew that if I were to become a mother, I wanted to be able to give my child with everything they deserve, both materially and emotionally. At the time, I wasn’t capable of fulfilling either aspect.

I am immensely grateful for the experience of being pregnant, and I expressed my gratitude to my unborn baby frequently, and I still do. Even if it may not appear that way, he or she holds great significance to me. I thank them for being there, even if it was only for a short time.